We’ve all been there. You’re invited to an event, but for whatever reason, you just can’t make it. Maybe you have a scheduling conflict, or maybe you’re just not feeling up for it.
Whatever the case may be, declining an invitation can be awkward, especially if you want to maintain a good relationship with the person who invited you. A research found that people feel more comfortable lying to acquaintances than close friends or family when declining an invitation.
But there’s no need to resort to fibs! With a little tact and creativity, you can gracefully bow out of any event.
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The Art of the Polite Decline
When someone invites you to an event, they’re extending a gesture of goodwill.
Even if you can’t attend, it’s important to acknowledge that gesture and express your appreciation. A simple “Thank you for thinking of me” or “I’m honored to be invited” can go a long way.
Ways To Respond To Someone Who Cannot Attend An Event
1. “I appreciate the invite, but unfortunately I have a prior commitment that day. Maybe next time!”
Prior commitments, whether work or personal, are always a valid reason to decline.
2. “Sounds like a great event! Sadly, I’ll be out of town that weekend. Have a wonderful time!”
Travel plans are another polite and understandable excuse. No one expects you to cancel a trip!
3. “Thank you so much for the invitation. I’m under the weather, so I don’t think I’ll be able to make it. Wishing you all the best!”
Health issues, whether yours or a family member’s, are another tactful way to decline.
4. “I’m flattered to be invited, but I think I’ll have to sit this one out. I’m feeling a bit burnt out and need some quiet time to recharge. Hope you understand!”
Sometimes we need to prioritize self-care, and most people will empathize with that.
5. “What a wonderful event! Unfortunately, it coincides with my niece’s dance recital that I promised to attend. Family obligations, you know? Have an amazing time though!”
Also Read: 21 Good Excuses for Not Going to a Party (That Actually Work)
If there’s a scheduling conflict with a family event, most people will understand.
6. “So thoughtful of you to include me! Regrettably, I’m swamped with work deadlines that week. I’ll be there in spirit! Let’s catch up soon.”
Work responsibilities are a fact of life. As long as you show that you value the relationship, most people will get it.
7. “Thank you for thinking of me for this! I’m afraid it’s not really my cup of tea though. Don’t let that stop you from having a blast!”
If you’re invited to something that’s really not your scene, it’s okay to gently say so. Everybody has their own tastes!
8. “I’m so sorry, but I won’t be able to make it due to a family emergency. Thank you for understanding. I hope it’s a wonderful event!”
Real emergencies happen, and people are usually very accommodating in those situations.
9. “What a fantastic opportunity! Unfortunately, it’s a bit outside my budget at the moment. I hope it’s a smashing success!”
If an event is cost-prohibitive for you, it’s perfectly acceptable to politely say so.
10. “Thank you for the lovely invitation! However, I think I might be a bit too old/young for this crowd. You all have an amazing time!”
Sometimes age differences can make certain social events awkward. It’s okay to acknowledge that reality.
Also Read:
Handling Pity Invites – A Guide to Graceful Responses
7 Sick Day Email Templates to Get the Day Off
41 Heartfelt & Witty Ways to Respond to “Happy Thanksgiving”
11. “I’m honored to be invited, but I’m actually taking a break from [drinking/partying/etc.] at the moment. I appreciate you thinking of me though!”
If you’re avoiding certain situations for personal reasons, you can say so without going into extensive detail.
12. “Sounds like an incredible program! Sadly, I don’t think I have the right background knowledge to fully appreciate it. Maybe next time when I’ve studied up!”
Certain events, like lectures or workshops, may require specific expertise that you lack. No shame in admitting that!
13. “Thank you for the invitation! I would have loved to attend, but I’m actually off social media right now and taking a break from events. Hope you have a great time!”
In today’s hyper-connected world, periodic “unplugging” has become more common and accepted.
14. “I’m truly grateful for the invitation. Unfortunately, I have a phobia of [crowds/public speaking/etc.] that makes attending very difficult for me. I hope you understand!”
Many people struggle with anxieties and phobias. Being upfront about yours can foster empathy.
15. “What an exciting opportunity! Sadly, I have some family visiting me that day that I haven’t seen in ages. Let’s definitely catch up soon though!”
Prioritizing time with out-of-town loved ones is something most people can relate to.
16. “Your event sounds amazing! Unfortunately, my partner and I have scheduled some much-needed ‘us’ time that day. Hope you have a wonderful event, and let’s connect soon!”
It’s healthy to prioritize your romantic relationship too! Quality couple time is important.
Tailor Your Response to the Situation
The key to a successful decline is making it personal. A generic “Sorry, can’t make it” might come across as dismissive. Instead, tailor your response to the event and your relationship with the host.
| For example, if it’s a close friend’s birthday party, you might say: “I’m heartbroken to miss your special day! You know how much I adore you. Unfortunately, my sister scheduled her wedding that same weekend, and I have to be there. Let’s plan a special celebration, just you and me, next week! I insist on treating the birthday girl!“ |
- The Power of the Counter-Invite
One great way to soften the blow of a decline is to offer an alternative. Suggest another time to get together, or propose an activity that you can do together in lieu of the event.
| For instance: “Ah, I’m so bummed to miss trivia night! I’m taking an evening art class that conflicts. But hey, why don’t we grab coffee this weekend? I’d love to catch up and hear how it went! Maybe you can share some of your trivia prowess with me!” |
- Honesty (Usually) Is the Best Policy
In most cases, honesty really is the best approach. People appreciate authenticity, and most can sense a thin excuse. However, use your judgment. If you think the real reason might hurt the person’s feelings, a small white lie is understandable.
| For example, if you’re invited to an ex’s wedding and you’re simply not comfortable going, you might say you have a family obligation rather than “It’s too painful for me to watch you marry someone else.” Discretion is key. |
- The Exception: When You’re Simply Not Interested
The trickiest situation is when you’re invited to something that you simply have no interest in attending. In these cases, a vague but polite excuse is your best bet.
| You might say: “Thank you for thinking of me! Unfortunately, I won’t be able to attend due to [a previous engagement/family commitments/work deadlines]. I appreciate the invite though, and hope it’s a wonderful event!” |
- Don’t Drag It Out
One of the worst things you can do is wait until the last minute to decline. As soon as you know you can’t (or don’t want to) attend, let the host know. Waiting too long can seem inconsiderate, like you didn’t value the invitation enough to respond promptly.
- The Importance of Gratitude
No matter your reason for declining, always express gratitude for being invited. Being included is a compliment, even if you can’t attend. Make sure the host knows that you appreciate their thoughtfulness.
| You might say: “I’m so touched that you thought of me for this! It means a lot to be included. I’m sorry I won’t be able to make it, but I’m truly grateful for the invitation. Hope you have a fantastic event!” |
Final Thoughts
Declining an invitation doesn’t have to be stressful. With a little thoughtfulness and tact, you can maintain your relationships while still honoring your own needs and preferences. Remember, most people have been on both sides of this situation, and will understand if you can’t make it.
The most important things are to be prompt, be polite, and be personal. Express your gratitude, offer an brief explanation if you can, and suggest another time to connect if appropriate.
With these 15 ways to respond to someone who cannot attend an event, you can gracefully navigate any social invitation – even if your RSVP is “regrets only.”
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