We’ve all been there – you get a text from an unknown number, a persistent ex, or that person who just can’t take a hint.
Instead of getting annoyed or simply ignoring them, why not have some fun with your responses? Here are over 46 funny responses to unwanted texts.
The Classic Misdirect
1. “New phone, who dis?” – Pretending you don’t know the person texting you, even if you do.
2. “Sorry, I’m not available right now. I’m currently in a meeting with the Illuminati discussing world domination.” – Using an absurd excuse to avoid engaging in conversation.
3. “I think you have the wrong number. This is the International Space Station.” – Claiming to be someone or somewhere far-fetched to confuse the text.
4. “I’d love to chat, but I’m currently on a top-secret mission for the CIA. Catch you later!” – Similar to #2, using an outlandish reason for why you can’t talk.
Also Read: 10 Ways To Respond To A Text From An Unknown Number
The Absurd Non-Sequitur
5. Them: “Hey what’s up?” You: “Not much, just teaching my goldfish how to tap dance. You?” – Responding with something completely irrelevant and bizarre.
6. Them: “I miss you.” You: “I miss dial-up internet.” – Countering an emotional statement with something nostalgic but unrelated.
7. Them: “Wanna hang out?” You: “Can’t, I’m busy knitting a sweater for a giraffe.” – Declining an invitation with a ridiculous fake plan.
8. Them: “You’re cute.” You: “Thanks! I get it from my pet rock.” – Deflecting a compliment by attributing your cute factor to an inanimate object.
Also Read: Text Etiquette 101: How to Craft the Perfect Reply to a Missed Call
The Sarcastic Quip
9. “Wow, you again? My phone just can’t get enough of you!” – Feigning excitement while implying the person texts too much.
10. “I’d ask how you got my number, but I assume you just followed the trail of glitter I leave everywhere.” – Sarcastically suggesting they stalked you, but in a fabulous way.
11. “Congratulations! You’re the 1,000,000th person to text me. Your prize is…absolutely nothing!” – Pretending they’ve won a contest, but the prize is a letdown.
12. “You know, I was just thinking about how much I miss unsolicited texts from random people.” – Using sarcasm to express your displeasure with receiving unwanted texts.
Also Read: 25+ Funny Replies to “Long Time No See” That Will Leave Them Laughing
The Pop Culture Reference
13. “I am Groot.” – Quoting the Guardians of the Galaxy character to give a nonsensical response.
14. “Wingardium Leviosa!” – Using a Harry Potter spell as a magical way to end the conversation.
15. “You shall not pass!” – Channeling Gandalf from Lord of the Rings to deny their attempt to engage with you.
16. “I’m sorry, Dave. I’m afraid I can’t do that.” – Quoting the AI from 2001: A Space Odyssey to refuse their request.
The Bizarre Question
17. “Quick question: if you were a type of bread, what kind would you be and why?” – Asking a strange, unexpected question to throw them off.
18. “On a scale of 1 to 10, how itchy are your elbows right now?” – Another odd question that will likely confuse them.
19. “If you could have any superpower, what would it be and would you use it for good or for evil?” – Posing a thought-provoking question to distract from their original text.
20. “Settle a bet for me: do you think pigeons have feelings?” – Requesting their opinion on an absurd topic.
The Pretend Misunderstanding
21. Them: “What are you up to tonight?” You: “The ceiling, I hope. Gravity can be such a downer.” – Deliberately misinterpreting their question in a literal sense.
22. Them: “Your place or mine?” You: “For what, the annual chess tournament? I thought that was next week.” – Feigning ignorance about their implied meaning and mentioning a random event.
23. Them: “I think we have chemistry.” You: “Really? I always preferred physics.” – Pretending to misunderstand their flirtatious comment as a reference to school subjects.
24. Them: “Want to see what I’m wearing?” You: “Is it a funny hat? I love funny hats!” – Acting oblivious to their suggestive question and expressing enthusiasm for something silly.
The Oversharer
25. “Funny you should text now, I was just about to take a 4-hour bath with my collection of rubber ducks.” – Sharing an excessive amount of bizarre personal information to make them uncomfortable.
26. “Hold on, let me ask my mom if it’s okay to talk to strangers.” – Implying that you’re too young or immature to be texting them.
27. “I would respond, but I’m currently in the middle of a heated argument with my cat.” – Using a ridiculous excuse to avoid responding, involving an imaginary dispute with a pet.
28. “Just a heads up, I’m required by law to let you know that I’m a professional yodeler.” – Claiming to have an unusual profession that you’re obligated to disclose.
The Emoji Overload
29. Respond with a random string of at least 20 emojis. Bonus points if none of them make sense together. – Overwhelming them with a barrage of nonsensical emojis.
30. Only use the 💩 emoji. Repeat as needed. – Spamming them with the poop emoji to express your opinion of their text.
31. Them: “Hey.” You: 🦄🌈🍕💥🎉 – Responding to a simple greeting with an explosion of random, unrelated emojis.
32. Adapt the lyrics of a well-known song using only emojis. – Creating a clever emoji interpretation of a popular song to confuse and amuse them.
The Autocorrect Fail
33. “Sorry, my phone autocorrected ‘leave me alone’ to ‘sure, let’s talk!’ Silly technology!” – Pretending your phone changed a dismissive message into an enthusiastic one.
34. “Autocorrect keeps changing ‘go away’ to ‘you’re great.’ I should really get that fixed.” – Another fake autocorrect mistake, this time with a complimentary tone.
35. “My phone’s autocorrect is so annoying, right?” – Using a common autocorrect fail (“ducking” instead of “fucking”) to commiserate about the feature.
36. “Darn autocorrect, always changing ‘yawn’ to ‘yes please tell me more!'” – Pretending autocorrect turned a bored response into an eager one.
The Fictional Assistant
37. “Thank you for contacting the offices of Batman. He’s currently out fighting crime, but I’ll let him know you called.” – Pretending to be the assistant of a famous fictional character to dismiss their text.
38. “You’ve reached the personal cell phone of Beyoncé’s assistant’s assistant. How may I direct your call?” – Similar to #37, but adding an extra level of separation for absurdity.
39. “Welcome to the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry admissions office! How can I help you today?” – Acting as if you work at a fictional school from the Harry Potter series.
40. “Greetings from the desk of Darth Vader. Your text will be processed in the order it was received.” – Pretending to be the assistant of a villainous character and treating their text as an official inquiry.
The Literal Interpretation
41. Them: “What’s good?” You: “Justice, puppies, free Wi-Fi… the list goes on.” – Taking their casual greeting literally and listing things that are objectively good.
42. Them: “What’s poppin?” You: “Popcorn, bubble wrap, my joints after a workout…” – Another literal interpretation of a slang greeting, mentioning things that physically pop.
43. Them: “How you doin’?” You: “With my endocrine system, mostly.” – Responding to a casual “How are you?” with a biological explanation of how your body functions.
44. Them: “It’s been a minute.” You: “Actually, it’s been precisely 8 days, 3 hours, and 27 minutes, but who’s counting?” – Taking their expression of time passing literally and providing an exact measurement.
The Random Fact
45. “Did you know that a group of flamingos is called a flamboyance? Anyway, what’s up?” – Starting with a random animal fact before casually changing the subject.
46. “Fun fact: the shortest war in history lasted only 38 minutes. Speaking of short things, let’s keep this conversation brief.” – Sharing a historical fact and using it to segue into ending the conversation quickly.
47. “Honey bees can recognize human faces. Now that I’ve got your attention, please buzz off.” – Another animal fact followed by a pun-based request for them to leave you alone.
48. “The average person spends 2 weeks of their life waiting for traffic lights to change. I don’t want to spend 2 more minutes on this conversation.” – Using a statistic about wasted time to express your desire to end the conversation.
The Reverse Psychology
49. “I’m so glad you texted! I’ve been dying to discuss the intricacies of quantum physics with someone.” – Pretending to be excited about their text, but suggesting an extremely complex and boring topic.
50. “You’ve reached the National Complaint Hotline. Please leave a detailed message about everything that’s bothering you, and we’ll get back to you never.” – Inviting them to vent all their problems, but making it clear you won’t respond.
51. “Welcome to the Unsolicited Advice Line! What area of your life would you like me to critique first?” – Offering to give them unwanted advice, implying that their text is also unwanted.
52. “Thanks for subscribing to Cat Facts! You will now receive hourly updates about the fascinating world of felines.” – Pretending they’ve signed up for a relentless stream of cat trivia, which no one wants.
The Wall Street Journal suggests that a little lighthearted reverse psychology can go a long way in deterring unwanted conversations.
Final Thoughts
Unwanted texts can be annoying, but responding with humor can make it entertaining. Whether you choose a classic misdirect, pop culture reference, or emoji overload, laughter is the best way to diffuse awkwardness. Next time, take a deep breath, channel your inner comedian, and craft funny responses to unwanted texts that leave you laughing.
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